‘I don’t believe it! It’s bigger inside than out!’
10th April – 15th May 1971
The 500 Year Diary
3rd March 2472 am
At last, finally left Earth. Admittedly at the behest of the Time Lords operating the TARDIS by remote control, but it’s good to get out! And with Jo… she’d never even been in the TARDIS before. She was initially rather scared, but tool it all in her stride eventually.
Unfortunately, the planet we’ve landed on is a rather drab place. Uxarieus. Why do the Time Lords want me to come here? There is a small group of human settlers struggling to make a colony in space, but that’s it?
The colonists are on the verge of starvation and also being attacked by massive lizards. There are a group of primitives too, but what does it all mean? There is no reason why crops can’t grow.
While I’m investigating the murder of some colonists, a huge robot bursts into the dome!
3rd March 2472 pm
The robot belongs to IMC, the Interplanetary Mining Corporation, and controlled by a man called Caldwell who seemed surprised that there are colonists here. I end up accompanying him back to his ship. On the way, I notice the TARDIS has gone!
In the ship, I watch television. Warfare. Rising population. Not a great time to be on Earth. No wonder people are desperate to get out and why the IMC are keen to exploit planets for much needed duralinium.
The IMC team is led by a rather officious man called Dent accompanied by a surly Morgan who wants me to show him the wrecked dome – he reminds me of a used car salesman. On the way we meet some not very friendly primitives. Anyway, once we’re at the dome, Morgan summons up a robot with massive claws and points a gun at me.
4th March 2472 eve
Kick the gun out of Morgan’s hand and manage to control the robot. Phew!
Back to the colony where Dent and the colony’s leader, Ashe, are discussing who should be on the planet. As far as I’m concerned, the IMC are using scare tactics to get rid of the colonists. Anyway, an Adjudicator has been called.
Repair the power supply, which Norton – a man who came traumatised from a different colony – was trying to repair. Or was he? He’s not to be trusted. Mary, Ashe’s daughter, comes in with a message. A lovely girl, with the energy of a spring gale. Dent wants to see me. About Jo. Apparently, she was trying to rob the spaceship and unless I co-operate, he’ll detonate the bomb she’s attached to.
Winton managed to escape from the bomb, but without Jo. He seems determined to start a war. They were rescued by this Caldwell. That’s our way in… from the inside. We manage to get into their ship, but it turns out Jo has gone. Probably taken by the Primitives.
5th March 2472 am
Go to the Primitives’ city to try and rescue or bargain for Jo. I’m taken to this room where I’m reunited with JO. Interestingly, there is a record of their civilisation. Some catastrophe has obviously happened which has caused their race to decline. Anyway, it looks like we’re going to be their next sacrifice.
We manage to escape from the room with some conjuring distractions only to be recaptured again. We’re taken to a tiny alien… a Guardian who lets us go. He recognises my superior intellect (although Jo is of no value).
Get back to the Dome and the Master is there posing as the Adjudicator! What’s he doing here? Now the Time Lords intervention makes sense. Anyway, as the Adjudicator he rules in favour of the IMC. Just what is he up to?
The IMC and colonists start shooting at it. Go to stop the senseless killing only to have the Master raise his gun at us.
5th March 2472 pm
Ashe and Mary’s timely intervention stop us from being shot. For now. Winton has successfully defeated the IMC and forced them to leave the planet.
The Master is taking rather a lot of interest in the Primitives’ city. Need some evidence. Decide to get into the Master’s TARDIS using the key I stole during that Nestene business. His TARDIS is disguised as a space rocket. Must get my chameleon circuit fixed….
Inside his TARDIS, he has a number of filing cabinets with lots of interesting information and he seems to have visited several planets lately. He must be looking for something. Jo manages to trip the alarm and we’re gassed.
Next thing, the Master is waking me up and wanting me to take him to the Primitives’ city leaving Jo as a hostage in his TARDIS. On the way, we’re attacked by Primitives with a massive boulder. As we arrive at the entrance to the city, an alarm goes off. The Master can see that someone is going to rescue Jo. He goes to press the button that will release lethal gas.
20th March 1974
Kick the button out of the Master’s hand. We’re then captured by the Primitives and taken into the city.
The Master explains what he’s doing here. He wants the Doomsday Weapon which was created by this civilisation. He wants the power to make any star turn supernova thus holding the universe to ransom. Absolute power. He offers me a partnership, but I want to travel the universe, not rule it! Just as he’s about to kill me, the Guardian appears and explains that the radiation from the weapon destroyed their planet and civilisation. He asks me to destroy the weapon, which I do.
We escape only to get embroiled in a yet another gunfight between the IMC and the colonists, which the colonists win. However, the Master escapes. No doubt I’ll bump into him again soon. And my TARDIS is back to.
So with the Doomsday Weapon destroyed, crops will grow. It appears that Ashe made the ultimate sacrifice to save his people. Mary doesn’t seem too upset though. Anyway, they have enough evidence to convince the real Adjudicator.
And so we arrive back in UNIT HQ seconds after we left. No point explaining that to the Brigadier though!
Time Space Visualiser
The Time Lords are back and we spend a bit of time on the still to be named Gallifrey in front of a Time Space Visualiser. I think one of those Time Lords was also in The War Games. The Doctor has been allowed to leave Earth to find The Master who has stolen a secret file on the doomsday weapon. This was the title of the target novelisation which I had although don’t think I ever got passed chapter two!
The Doctor and Jo are off on a trip in the TARDIS and it still has the second Doctor’s roundel wallpaper. It is so bizarre to suddenly see the TARDIS land in colour for the first time on an alien world. It lands so abruptly. It is weird for me to watch this now as what would have been my first alien voyage in the TARDIS.
All the stars are in this one. It’s Gail off of Corrie! Itoxtyl is back, there is Prentice Hancock, Bernard Kay and Morgan was off of EastEnders I think. Unfortunately Jo is captured while investigating the IMC ship and chained to explosives. Not sure if the UN would approve! There is a lot of hair and fighting in this story. The story see saws around between the colonists and the IMC. The Doctor gets a chance to do a bit of gurning.
If you want to know why Delgado is the original and best Master watch the scene with the Doctor early in episode 5. And his TARDIS has the best filing cabinets!
More classic Hulke comment, this time it is the rights of colonists over the invaders. It is not clear why the colonists have a given right to the planet rather than the indigenous people. Although they really do not seem to do a lot. There are three types of Uxerians. Primatives, High Priests and a squashy doll who sits in a cupboard with cute little puppet hands. They just seem to hide away talking telepathically and move things with their brains.
An overly long story and I usually feel with Hulke there is enough story to fill the episodes, but I think this one would benefit by being a couple of episodes shorter.
Hairdoo of the Week
Not much from the Brigadier this week, but the wig department of the BBC still have plenty to do as Dent has one of the best syrups of this season to date.
Where are UNIT headquarters this week?
We finally see a repeat of the Doctor’s laboratory, I think this one was in Ambassadors of Death.
The first TARDIS trip to an Alien planet in colour and it’s a gravel pit!
Jo’s first trip inside the TARDIS.
It is the first time we see the iconic Pertwee Sonic Screwdriver.
We learn the Master and the Doctor were friends at school.
In the fooooter . . .
. . . we will have entertainment consoles which are very footeristic devices that control flat wide screen tv’s on the wall. (yeah, like we would ever put TVs on the wall!).
We will also still use reel to reel tapes.
And ‘Jim’ll Fix It’ will still be a catch phrase!
And we will go back to using the teleprinter. – ‘Torquay United – one, Hamilton Academicals – three.’
Catchphrase Error of the Week
The Doctor informs us that he is every kind of scientist. It’s all in him!
‘If you strike me I can have you executed on the spot.’
Everyone knows it’s ”If you strike me down now I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.’
The Doctor gets to visit an alien planet other than Earth for the first time since he went to Ta in the Space Pirates. And … it is a gravel pit! (Hello fact fans – not sure if the War Zone counts as an alien planet, but if it does, then that was the last alien planet. )
In this week’s exciting adventure with a megalomaniac, The Master finally decides to have a go in his TARDIS and disguises it as a spaceship. But guess what? He arrives in disguise as the Adjudicator. We cannot see his face initially so are left wondering who on Uxerius it could be. Surprised when he was revealed as the Master? I nearly fell off the sofa. (Except the Time Lords did mention he might be popping along back in episode one!) What is his plan this time? Well he wants to rule the Universe of course. And the Doomsday Weapon would enable him to do that. The Master decides he has bitten off more than he can chew for a change so tries to get the Doctor to help him. ‘Not on your Nellie says the Doctor and promptly sets the weapon to self-destruct thus solving everyone’s problems before the master runs away in his TARDIS.
‘Think of it Doctor. I am offering you a half share in the universe. ‘
‘What time will you be ruling the Universe? ‘
‘Do you mind if I don’t?’
Five Word Lords
Anticlimactic baptismal Third Doctor voyage.