‘It is not patriotism to lead people into a war they cannot win.’ Selris
28th December 1968 – 18 January 1969
The Time Space Visualiser
Abagon and Varnagon are selected and get to wear some serious shiny shoulder pads! Also, all their friends get to celebrate without making a noise. (It would cost too much.) And off to the Krotons. They must be obeyed! Fascinating structures says the Doctor. Magnesium Silicate. Looks like slate to me, but let’s hope we don’t bump in to a crystalline life form. Nice location filming. Abagon gets turned into silicon jizz. Then it’s Philip Madoc. A hugely underrated actor anywhere else apart from in Doctor Who land.
Love the Gon’s stripy socks. ‘How can they be from another planet?’ Asks a Gon. Isn’t that what they said in The Dominators? The design on the story is superb. Amazing graphics produce an X on the screen. I know it’s probably an animation rather than a CGI but nonetheless it is very good. The spinning Kroton heads are rather good too.
On paper this should be excellent. Robert Holmes, Philip Madoc, not to mention the regulars. There is a lot to like about it. The voices of the Krotons are quite unique; bizarre yet effective. The design. Of the monsters and of the sets is really good. It just all makes for a rather humdrum story of a dull alien race being used for something another oppressive alien race wants.
The Gons are another cliched alien race. They all wear the same clothes, until they get picked to go to the Krotons in the glittery shoulder padded cape. They speak in lofty hyperbole. There is the angry one that wants trouble with the TARDIS crew and the reasonable one who calms him down. All we need is for mysterious aliens to cull them when they reach a certain age as an honour. Ahh!
And This Week’s False Moustache is Modelled by:
The custodian of the teaching machines. It’s a pointy one too. It even gets tied down by the gag he is made to wear.
9:27 Episode 2
Varna: The ball. The burning ball. (Ouch!)
Jamie: a flashing ball burning her mind.
Is it another of the Kroton’s Weapons?
18:20 Episode 3
The Doctor: What goes in must come out.
Doctor Who creator, Robert Holmes, decided to give the Krotons Birmingham accents after listening to an Album by ELO. ‘Singer Paul McCartney’s ’s Brummie tones on the song ‘I Just Can’t Get You Out of My Head’ sounded very alien.’ He told Woman’s Own magazine in an interview in 1969.
Unprovoked Angry Retort of the Week
Not so much unprovoked as unfair or unwarranted but after The Doctor puts himself at risk at the end of episode one he has a right go at Zoe after she gets selected!
‘Oh my giddy aunt!’ This is the first time I have head the Doctor use his catchphrase. Has he used it before? Does he ever use it again?
Robert Holmes. One of the best Doctor Who writers turns in one of the worst scripts.
Philip Madoc had already appeared in the Dalek movie by this point, but this is his first classic eries role. He is brilliant!
Outstanding Services to Coughing Award
Jamie and the chemist chap halfway through pt 4. Truly amazing.
Catchphrase Error of the Week
No one mentions putting a girl in the dynatrope.
The 500 Year Diary
17th July 5895 pm
Arrived on a very smelly planet. Not long after landing come across a man coming out of a door who was then disintegrated. Poor chap.
We arrive in a hall and are greeted with suspicion (as per usual) by the Gonds. They tell us about a young lady called Vana who has entered the ‘machine’. We go out and rescue her before she gets disintegrated, but her mind seems empty.
Selris, the leader, tells me about the Krotons. All powerful beings that have been here for thousands of years and keep the Gonds in virtual slavery.
As we return to the hall, some of the young men are trying to vandalise these teaching machines. We try to reason with them and then this probe comes out heading straight for me.
17th July 5895 eve
Luckily, the probe avoided destroying me, but got some other chap instead. Whatever’s controlling it is not very logical. Anyway a booming voice orders us to leave the hall.
I return with Zoe to investigate – the Krotons are training the Gonds, but leaving huge gaps in their knowledge. Underneath the hall is an organic structure, but while I’m away Zoe has a go on the training machine and does rather well. Her intelligence can be rather irritating at times. She is summoned to be a companion of the Krotons, so I decide I must also get in which I do… although Zoe got more right, I answered more questions.
Inside the machine, the Krotons use our mental power to create themselves out of a solution, but we manage to escape through the back door avoiding disintegration.
18th July 5895 am
Spent a bit of time in the TARDIS trying to work out how best to defeat them. I have made a solution and we collect rocks. Suddenly we’re cornered by a Kroton, but thankfully he gets confused and we escape. It then attacks the TARDIS, but luckily I put the HADS on. Must remember to do that more often although the TARDIS is indestructible so why worry?
Back with the Gonds, realise that Selris’ plan is to attack the underneath of the hall. A bad idea and as I rush in and tell them, there is a massive rockfall. Ouch!
18th July 5895 pm
Hardly a scratch on me, but then realise that Jamie was in the Dynatrope as the Krotons call it. Thankfully he escapes and then helps us to make sulphuric acid.
We’re captured by Eelek, a rather opportunistic man, and forced into the Dynatrope. Some sort of deal has been made. Selris rushes in and gives me the solution I made in the TARDIS. Sadly, he is disintegrated for his efforts.
Whilst they are not looking and as Zoë and I waste time, we contaminate the Dynatrope which causes the Krotons to collapse. What with the acid poured from above, we destroy the Krotons utterly. Hooray. Sneak off back to the TARDIS before asked to do anything else!
Shame about my umbrella. I like umbrellas.
Artwork BBC DVD Cover: The Krotons
The Five Word Lords
Not brilliant, and not awful.